Shrek.2001.怪物史莱克京东优惠,书讯快递
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[00:47.80]"Once upon a time there was a lovely princess
[00:52.74]"But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort...
[00:56.58]"which could only be broken by love's first kiss.
[01:01.55]"She was locked away in a castle...
[01:03.98]"guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon.
[01:08.25]"Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this deadful prison.
[01:12.73]"but none prevailed.
[01:15.56]"She waited in the dragon's keep...
[01:17.83]"in the highest room of the tallest tower...
[01:20.83]for her true love and true love's first kiss. "
[01:25.44]Like that's ever gonna happen
[03:37.47]- Think it's in there? - All right. Let's get it!
[03:40.81]Whoa, Hold on. Do you know what thing can do to you?
[03:43.64]Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.
[03:46.68]Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant.
[03:50.72]Now, ogres... They're much worse.
[03:54.85]They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
[03:57.86]They'll shave your liver.
[04:00.03]Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!
[04:03.36]-Actualy, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast!
[04:06.00]Back! I warn ya!
[04:29.25]This is the part where you run away.
[04:40.60]And stay out!
[04:45.54]"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures. "
[04:54.05]All right. This one's full
[04:56.65]Take it away!
[04:59.28]- Move it along. Come on! Get up! - Next!
[05:03.26]Give me that! Your flying days are over.
[05:06.26]That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
[05:08.96]Get up! Come on!
[05:14.23]Keep quiet!
[05:16.80]This cage is too small.
[05:19.77]Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.
[05:21.94]I can change. Please! Give ma another chance!
[05:24.01]Oh, shut up.
[05:26.48]-Next! What have you got? -This little wooden puppet.
[05:29.45]I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
[05:34.45]Five shillings forthe possessed toy.
[05:36.92]Take it away.
[05:39.09]Next. What have you got?
[05:41.09]Well, I've got a talking donkey.
[05:43.80]Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prouve it.
[05:48.43]Oh, go ahead, little fella.
[05:54.44]Oh, oh, he's just... He's just a little nervous.
[05:57.21]He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt...
[06:01.28]- That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks!
[06:03.95]He does. I can talk. I love to talk.
[06:08.15]I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.
[06:11.16]- Get her out of my sight. -No, no!
[06:13.79]I swear! Oh! He can talk!
[06:20.53]Hey! I can fly!
[06:23.00]- He can fly! - He can fly!
[06:24.70]He can talk! Ha, ha! That's right, fool!
[06:27.84]Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.
[06:30.18]Your right have seen a house fly maybe even a super fly,
[06:32.88]but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly.
[06:42.32]Seize him!
[06:56.90]After him! He's getting away!
[07:05.34]You there. Ogre!
[07:07.71]Aye?
[07:10.08]By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you under arrest...
[07:14.25]and transport you to a designated... resettlement facility.
[07:19.93]Oh, really? You and what army?
[07:34.74]Can I say something to you?
[07:36.81]Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible!
[07:40.25]Are you talking to... me? Whoa!
[07:46.08]Yes, I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you was great back there? Those guards!
[07:50.12]They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam!
[07:52.92]They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods.
[07:54.96]That really made me feel good to see that.
[07:56.96]- Oh, that's great. Really. - Man, it's good to be free.
[08:00.10]Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
[08:05.74]But, uh, I don't have any friends.
[08:09.11]And I'm not goin' out there by myself.
[08:11.84]Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you.
[08:14.48]You're a mean, green, fightin' machine.
[08:16.48]Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.
[08:23.09]Oh, wow! That was really scary.
[08:25.82]If you don't mind me sayin' if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done,
[08:29.63]'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks!
[08:32.83]You almost burned the hair outta my nose,
[08:36.13]just like the time...
[08:39.04]Then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day.
[08:42.84]Why are you following me?
[08:46.68]I'll tell you why.
[08:49.31]'Cause I'm all alone
[08:52.32]There's no one here beside me
[08:56.15]My problems have all gone
[08:59.89]There's no one to deride me
[09:03.33]But you gotta have friend...
[09:05.36]Stop singing!
[09:08.50]It's no wonder you don't have any friends.
[09:10.64]Wow. Only a true friend would be that truly honest.
[09:14.34]Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?
[09:23.32]-Really tall? - No! I'm an ogre.
[09:26.65]You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks. "
[09:29.92]Doesn't that bother you?
[09:32.02]Nope.
[09:34.23]- Really? - Really,really.
[09:37.20]Man, I like you. What's your name?
[09:40.40]Uh, Shrek.
[09:44.17]Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?
[09:47.51]You got a kind of I don't care what nobody thinks of me thing.
[09:50.61]I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You alright.
[09:55.51]Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that?
[09:59.58]That would be my home.
[10:02.89]Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful.
[10:05.86]You are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget.
[10:09.73]I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.
[10:18.24]I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
[10:21.04]I like my privacy.
[10:22.91]You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in comon.
[10:25.58]Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face.
[10:27.91]You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.
[10:34.95]- Can I stay with you? - Uh, what?
[10:37.76]Can I stay with you, please?
[10:40.43]- Of course! - Really?
[10:42.79]- No. - Please! I don't wanna go back there!
[10:45.26]You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do.
[10:49.27]But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!
[10:51.94]- Please! Please! - Okay! Okay!
[10:55.14]- But one night only. - Ah! Thank you!
[10:57.81]- What are you- No! No! - This is gonna be fun!
[11:00.25]We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories,
[11:02.25]and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.
[11:05.12]Where do, uh, I sleep?
[11:08.45]Outside!
[11:10.29]Oh,well, I guess that's cool.
[11:13.46]I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me,
[11:15.63]so I guess outside is best, you know.
[11:18.10]Here I go.
[11:23.27]Good night.
[11:27.44]I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside.
[11:31.51]I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know.
[11:34.28]By myself, outside.
[11:36.65]I'm all alone. There's no one here beside me
[12:45.72]I thought I told you to stay outside.
[12:48.42]I am outside.
[12:57.60]Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?
[13:01.47]It's not home, but it'll do just fine.
[13:04.07]What a lovely bed.
[13:06.07]- Got ya. - I found some cheese.
[13:08.47]Blah! Awful stuff.
[13:12.74]-Is that you, Gorder? - How did you know?
[13:15.41]Enough! What are you doing in my house?
[13:20.42]Oh!, no, no, no.
[13:23.12]- Dead broad off the table. - Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.
[13:30.06]What?
[13:32.76]I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre!
[13:37.60]What do I have to do to get a little privacy?
[13:40.31]-Aah! - Oh, no.
[13:42.81]Oh, no.
[13:45.61]No! No!
[13:58.62]What are you doing in my swamp?
[14:09.13]All right, get out of here. All of you, move it!
[14:12.60]Come on! Let's go! Quickly. Come on!
[14:15.11]No, no!
[14:17.14]No, no. Not there. Not there.
[14:23.01]Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.
[14:25.98]Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
[14:28.15]- What? - We were forced to come here.
[14:30.82]- By who? - Lord Farquaad.
[14:33.02]He huffed und he puffed und he... signed an eviction notice.
[14:40.67]Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?
[14:45.00]Oh, I do. I know where he is.
[14:47.87]Does anyone else know where to find him?
[14:53.04]- Anyone at all? - Me! Me!
[14:55.38]- Anyone? - Oh! Oh, pick me!
[14:57.38]Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!
[14:59.88]Okay, fine.
[15:03.09]Attention, all fairy tale things.
[15:07.73]Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out.
[15:12.53]In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now...
[15:16.33]and get you all off my land and back where you came from!
[15:28.51]Oh! You!
[15:30.05]You're comin' with me.
[15:32.05]All right, that's what I like to hear, man
[15:34.45]Shrek and donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure.
[15:38.36]I love it!
[15:40.43]On the road again
[15:43.70]I can't wait to get on the road again
[15:45.73]What did I say about singing?
[15:47.73]- Can I whistle? - No.
[15:49.73]- Can I hum it? - All right, hum it.
[16:22.30]That's enough. He's ready to talk.
[16:38.28]Run, run, run, as fast as you can.
[16:40.82]You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!
[16:44.46]- You're a monster. - I'm not the monster here. You are.
[16:48.13]You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world.
[16:52.46]Now, tell me! Where are the others?
[16:54.47]Eat me!
[16:57.10]I've tried to be fair to you creatures.
[17:00.10]Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll...
[17:03.68]No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.
[17:06.54]All right then. Who's hiding them?
[17:08.65]Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
[17:14.05]- The muffin man? - The muffin man.
[17:16.49]Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?
[17:19.99]Well, she's married to the muffin man.
[17:23.49]- The muffin man? - The muffin man!
[17:25.70]She's married to the muffin man.
[17:28.80]My lord! We found it.
[17:30.54]Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
[17:47.72]- Magic mirror... - Don't tell him anything!
[17:52.16]No!
[17:54.56]Evening.
[17:58.40]Mirror, mirror, on the wall.
[18:00.37]Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?
[18:03.84]Well, technically you're not a king.
[18:10.01]- You were saying? - What I mean is, you're not a king yet.
[18:13.71]But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.
[18:17.38]Go on.
[18:20.45]So, just sit back and relax, my lord,
[18:24.19]because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes.
[18:28.56]And here they are!
[18:32.23]Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away.
[18:37.27]She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime.
[18:39.60]Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters.
[18:43.14]Please welcome Cinderella.
[18:45.61]Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy.
[18:49.75]Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy.
[18:52.55]Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is.
[18:56.09]Come on. Give it up for Snow White!
[18:59.92]And last, but certainly not least,
[19:02.63]bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead...
[19:04.80]from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava!
[19:07.43]But don't let that cool you off.
[19:12.80]Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona!
[19:16.94]So will it be bachelorette number one,
[19:19.48]bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?
[19:23.08]- Two! Two! - Three! Three!
[19:25.32]- Two! Two! - Three!
[19:26.75]Three? One? Three?
[19:28.95]Three! Pick number three, my lord!
[19:31.09]Okay, okay, uh, number three!
[19:34.93]Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.
[19:43.63]Princess Fiona.
[19:49.31]All I have to do is just find someone who can go...
[19:52.14]But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.
[19:54.48]- I'll do it. - Yes, but after sunset...
[19:56.48]Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen,
[20:00.65]and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king!
[20:04.89]Captain, assemble your finet men.
[20:07.19]We're going to have a tournament.
[20:12.73]But that's it. That'st it right there. That's DuLoc.
[20:15.83]I told ya I'd find it.
[20:17.97]So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
[20:22.17]Uh...huh. That's the place.
[20:24.34]Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?
[20:32.02]Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
[20:34.05]Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
[20:42.16]Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya.
[20:45.06]I just... I just...
[21:19.53]It's quiet.
[21:23.53]Too quiet.
[21:28.41]- WHere is everybody? - Hey, look at this!
[21:45.92]Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town
[21:49.43]Here we have some rules Let us lay them down
[21:52.93]Don't make waves, stay inline and we'll get along fine
[21:56.90]DuLoc is a perfect place
[22:00.61]Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face
[22:05.24]DuLoc is, DuLoc is
[22:08.91]DuLoc is a perfect
[22:12.45]Place
[22:22.12]Wow! Let's do that again!
[22:23.93]No. No. No, no, no! No.
[22:30.23]Brave knights.
[22:31.47]You are the best and brightest in the land.
[22:35.67]Today one of you shall prove himself...
[22:38.18]All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.
[22:40.61]Sorry about that.
[22:42.61]That champion shall have the honour... no,no... the privilege...
[22:48.19]to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona...
[22:52.32]from the fiery keep of the dragon
[22:55.73]If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful,
[23:00.03]the fist runner-up will take his place
[23:03.30]and so on and so forth.
[23:06.17]Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.
[23:16.71]Let the tournament begin!
[23:24.86]What is that?
[23:28.19]- It's hideous! -Ah, that's not very nice.
[23:32.86]It's just a donkey. Huh?
[23:35.37]Indeed. Knights, new plan!
[23:38.40]The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!
[23:43.21]- Get him! - Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.
[23:47.21]Go ahead! Get him!
[23:49.58]Can't we just settle this over a pint?
[23:53.35]Kill the beast!
[23:54.69]No? All right then.
[23:59.22]Come on!
[24:09.10]I don't give a damn about my reputation
[24:13.60]You're living in the past It's a new generation
[24:17.71]A girl can do what she wants to do
[24:20.58]And that's what I'm gonna do
[24:22.91]And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
[24:26.92]Oh no no no no no Not me
[24:30.76]Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
[24:34.23]And I don't give a damn about my reputation
[24:37.06]Never said I wanted to improve my station
[24:41.97]And I'm always feelin'good when I'm having fun
[24:44.10]And I don't have to please no one
[24:46.27]The chair! Give him the chair!
[24:48.27]And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
[24:50.98]Oh no no no no no Not me
[24:54.25]Me me me
[24:55.75]Oh no no no no
[24:58.48]Not me not me
[25:02.25]Not me
[25:13.13]Thank you! Thank you very much!
[25:16.00]I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!
[25:24.84]Shall I give the order, sir?
[25:26.88]No, I have a better idea.
[25:30.55]People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!
[25:35.82]- What? - Congratulations, ogre.
[25:39.79]You've won the honour of embarking on a great and noble quest.
[25:44.20]Quest? I'm already on a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.
[25:48.67]- Your swamp? - Yeah, my swamp!
[25:51.97]Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures!
[25:57.17]All right, ogre, I'll make you a deal.
[25:59.34]Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back.
[26:03.21]Exactly the way it was?
[26:06.02]Down to the last slime-covered toadtool.
[26:08.85]- And the squatters? - As good as gone.
[26:15.16]What kind of quest?
[26:19.43]Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon...
[26:21.87]and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp...
[26:24.57]which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?
[26:27.77]Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
[26:32.21]I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him?
[26:35.85]Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress,
[26:37.85]grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.
[26:40.75]Oh, I know what.
[26:42.75]Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village...
[26:45.06]and put thier heads on a pike,
[26:47.26]gotten a knife, cut open thier spleen and drink their fluids.
[26:50.96]Does that sound good to you?
[26:53.20]Uh, no, not really, no.
[26:55.90]For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
[26:59.77]- Example? - Example?
[27:02.61]- Okay, um, ogres are like onions. - They stink?
[27:08.81]- Yes No! - They make you cry? - No!
[27:11.22]You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.
[27:14.72]No! Layers!
[27:16.79]Onions have layers.
[27:19.22]Ogres have layers! Onions have layers.
[27:22.59]You gt it? We both have layers.
[27:26.93]Oh, you both have layers. Oh.
[27:30.60]You know, not everybody likes onions.
[27:34.07]Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
[27:36.77]I don't care... what everyone likes.
[27:40.78]Ogres are not like cakes.
[27:46.32]You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits.
[27:49.79]Have you ever met a person, you, say, "Let's get some parfait,"
[27:51.79]they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"?
[27:53.46]- Parfaits are delicious. - No!
[27:55.46]You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden!
[27:58.46]Ogres are like onions! End of the story.
[28:01.47]Bye-bye. See ya later.
[28:08.27]Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.
[28:12.78]You know, I think I preferred your humming.
[28:15.05]Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess.
[28:17.82]Just the word parfait make me start slobbering.
[28:25.16]I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
[28:33.70]I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
[28:41.81]And everything that you receive up yonder
[28:45.81]Is what you give to me the day I wander
[28:49.81]I'm on my way
[28:53.85]I'm on my way
[28:57.86]I'm on my way
[29:00.02]Ooh! Shrek! Did you do that?
[29:02.56]You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open.
[29:06.43]Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead.
[29:10.23]It's brimstone.
[29:13.07]- We must be getting close. - Yeah, right, brimstone.
[29:16.34]Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It's wasn't no brimstone.
[29:20.51]It didn't come off no stone neither.
[29:40.46]Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.
[29:46.94]Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said ogres have layers?
[29:51.74]Oh, aye.
[29:53.74]Well, I have a bit of a confession to make.
[29:57.41]Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.
[30:00.88]- Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. - You know what I mean.
[30:05.06]You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.
[30:07.79]I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickely bridge over a boiling lake of lava!
[30:12.46]Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay?
[30:16.60]For emotional support,
[30:19.34]we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby stap at a time.
[30:23.97]- Really? - Really, really.
[30:25.98]- Okay, that makes me feel so much better. - Just keep moving.
[30:29.28]- And don't look down. Okay, don't look down. Don't look down.
[30:33.95]Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down.
[30:37.42]Shrek! I'm lookin' down!
[30:41.29]Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please!
[30:44.29]- But you're already halfway. - But I know that half is safe!
[30:47.93]Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.
[30:50.80]Shrek, no! Wait!
[30:53.30]- Let's have a dance then, shall we? - Don't do that!
[30:56.47]Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?
[31:00.44]- Oh, this? - Yes, that!
[31:03.61]Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.
[31:07.12]No Shrek!
[31:09.49]- No! Stop it! - You said do it! I'm doin' it.
[31:12.69]I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die.
[31:19.63]That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.
[31:27.00]Cool.
[31:29.34]So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?
[31:32.18]Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
[31:36.01]I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
[31:54.40]You afraid?
[31:56.40]No, but... Shh.
[31:59.77]Oh, good. Me neither.
[32:03.41]'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid.
[32:06.88]Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation.
[32:10.21]Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add.
[32:12.35]With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire,
[32:15.05]it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared.
[32:18.59]I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.
[32:22.69]Donkey, two things, okay?
[32:26.10]Shut... up.
[32:28.73]Now go over there and seeif you can find any stairs.
[32:31.57]Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess.
[32:34.27]The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
[32:39.24]- What makes you think she'll be there? - I read it in a book once.
[32:42.91]Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs.
[32:46.92]I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too.
[32:50.05]Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'.
[32:56.49]I'm gonna take drastic steps.
[32:58.56]Kick it to the kerb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master.
[33:01.43]I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it.
[33:08.97]Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the...
[33:12.61]Dragon!
[33:30.46]Donkey, look out!
[33:44.34]Got ya!
[34:25.65]Oh, what large teeth you have.
[34:29.35]I mean, white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food,
[34:33.26]but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there.
[34:37.49]Do I detect a hint of minty freshness?
[34:40.06]And you know what else? You're... you're a girl dragon!
[34:44.90]Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon.
[34:49.51]You're just reeking off feminine beauty.
[34:53.38]What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye?
[34:58.72]Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm, uh...
[35:01.22]I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings.
[35:05.26]Shrek!
[35:07.26]No! Shrek! Shrek!
[35:45.76]- WAke up! - What?
[35:47.76]Are you Princess Fiona?
[35:49.47]I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.
[35:54.91]Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!
[35:56.97]But wait, Sir Knight.
[35:59.08]This be our first meeting.
[36:01.45]Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?
[36:05.25]- Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. - Hey, wait. What are you doing?
[36:09.65]You should sweep me off my feet...
[36:11.82]out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
[36:15.29]You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
[36:22.50]But we have to savour this moment!
[36:25.47]You could recite an epic poem for me.
[36:28.31]A ballad? A sonnet!
[36:30.84]- A limerick? Or something! - I don't think so.
[36:34.18]Can I at least know the name of my champion?
[36:38.68]Um, Shrek.
[36:40.68]Sir Shrek.
[36:44.49]I pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitude.
[36:50.36]Thanks!
[36:56.37]You didn't slay the dragon?
[36:58.30]It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
[37:00.84]But this isn't right!
[37:03.51]You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying.
[37:05.84]That's what all the other knights did.
[37:08.51]Yeah, right before they burst into flame.
[37:10.38]That's not the point. Oh!
[37:14.02]Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there.
[37:16.55]Well, I have to save my ass.
[37:18.69]What kind of knight are you?
[37:21.99]One of a kind.
[37:24.49]Slow down. Slow down, baby, please.
[37:26.93]I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time.
[37:31.23]Just call me old-fashioned.
[37:33.90]I don't want to rush into a physical relationship.
[37:37.51]I'm not that emotionally ready for commitment of, uh, this..
[37:41.04]Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for.
[37:43.41]Magnitude... Hey, that is unwanted physical contact.
[37:47.02]Hey, what are you doing?
[37:49.55]Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time.
[37:52.89]We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals.
[37:57.09]I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards...
[38:01.40]I'd really love to stay, but...
[38:03.90]Don't do that. That's my tail! That's my personal tail.
[38:06.57]You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission What are you gonna do with that?
[38:10.07]Hey, now. No way. No! No!
[38:14.01]No, no! No. No, no, no! No! Oh!
[38:43.57]- Hi, Princess! - It talks!
[38:45.61]Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.
[39:24.95]Okay, you two, head for the exit!
[39:27.98]I'll take care of the dragon.
[39:37.13]Run!
[40:27.11]You did it!
[40:29.98]You rescued me! You're amizing. You're...
[40:31.85]You're wonderful. You're...
[40:35.69]a little unorthodox I'll admit.
[40:38.05]But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure.
[40:43.06]I am eternally in your debt.
[40:46.93]And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?
[40:51.37]I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed.
[40:57.11]The battle is won.
[40:59.38]You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
[41:01.95]- Uh, no. - Why not?
[41:04.61]I have helmet hair.
[41:06.92]Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
[41:10.22]No, no, you wouldn't...
[41:12.89]But how will you kiss me?
[41:15.43]What? That wasn't in the job description.
[41:19.26]Maybe it's a perk.
[41:21.73]No. It's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes.
[41:26.24]A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon...
[41:30.11]is rescue by a brave knight,
[41:33.11]and then they share true love's first kiss.
[41:36.48]Hmm? With Shrek? You think... Wait.
[41:39.25]Wait. You think Shrek is your true love?
[41:41.92]Well, yes.
[41:47.96]You think that Shrek is your true love!
[41:50.49]What is so funny?
[41:53.21]Let's just say, I'm not your type, okay?
[41:56.38]Of course you are. You're my rescuer.
[41:59.98]Now... Now remove your helmet.
[42:02.52]Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.
[42:04.82]- Just take off the helmet. - I'm not going to.
[42:06.89]- Take it off! - No!
[42:08.15]- Now! - Okay!
[42:10.32]Easy. As you command, Your Highness.
[42:24.87]You... You're a... an ogre.
[42:28.37]Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.
[42:32.38]Well, yes, actually.
[42:36.78]Oh no. This is all wrong.
[42:40.12]You're not supposed to be an ogre.
[42:42.52]Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay?
[42:47.86]He's the one who wants to marry you.
[42:49.86]Then why didn't he come to rescue me?
[42:51.86]Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.
[42:56.27]But I have to be rescued by my true love,
[42:59.41]not by some ogre and his... his pet.
[43:02.24]Well so much for noble steed.
[43:04.38]Look princess. You're not making my job any easier.
[43:07.08]Well I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem.
[43:10.55]You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly,
[43:15.89]I'll be waiting for him right here.
[43:18.29]Hey, I'm no ones messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.
[43:23.43]You wouldn't dare.
[43:25.76]- Ya comin', Donkey? - Put me down!
[43:27.83]Yeah, I'm right behind ya.
[43:29.90]Put me down or you will suffer the consequences!
[43:33.57]This is not dignified! Put me down!
[43:39.54]Okay, so here's another question.
[43:41.11]Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way.
[43:44.25]How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt,
[43:46.69]but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten?
[43:49.29]You just tell her she's not your true love.
[43:52.12]Everyone knows it what happens when you find your...
[43:57.60]The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.
[43:59.97]Oh, yeah. You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!
[44:02.97]And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?
[44:06.81]Well, let me put it this way, Princess.
[44:09.01]Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply.
[44:15.11]I don't know. There are those who think little of him.
[44:21.32]Stop it. Stop it, both of you.
[44:24.29]You know, you're just jealous that

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