怪物大战外星人京东优惠,书讯快递
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[01:22.74]You'd better pray to the Lord When you see those flying saucers
[01:27.75]It may be the coming of the Judgment Day
[01:38.13]Hey, Jerry, you might wanna check this one out. Palomar just picked it up.
[01:42.60]Looks like some type of UFO, and it's heading this way.
[01:46.18]How many times do I have to tell you?
[01:48.06]UFOs don't exist and we're never gonna see...
[01:51.94]- Wow, its energy signature is massive. - Holy Cheez-Its! What do we do?!
[01:56.36]No one told us what to do!
[01:57.70]I took this job because you never have to do anything!
[02:00.49]Jerry, stop it. Let me calculate its impact point.
[02:04.70]Looks like...
[02:07.21]...Modesto, California.
[02:09.37]Supernova, this is Red Dwarf. We actually have one!
[02:12.79]Code Nimoy! I repeat, Code Nimoy!
[03:08.10]What are you guys doing here? It's 5:00 in the morning.
[03:11.77]Hurry, turn on the TV! Turn it on now!
[03:14.02]...and some early morning fog, giving way to sunny skies.
[03:17.65]Seventy-five degrees.
[03:19.19]A perfect day
[03:20.07]to stop by the old folk art and craft show
[03:22.45]down at the fairgrounds, or a perfect day to marry Susan Murphy.
[03:29.83]I love you, baby.
[03:31.41]I love you, too.
[03:35.34]And good morning, Modesto!
[03:39.21]Channel 172.
[03:50.35]You look gorgeous, sweetheart.
[03:53.23]Thanks, Mom.
[04:02.40]My little girl!
[04:04.49]Daddy!
[04:05.99]Now, I want you to know that, even though I'm about to give you away...
[04:10.70]...I will always be here to take care of you.
[04:13.71]Don't cry because then you'll make me cry, and that's just gonna be a mess.
[04:18.04]I can't help it!
[04:22.55]Hello, everyone! Attention, attention!
[04:25.09]Wedding starts in 30 minutes!
[04:27.55]- My beautiful daughter-in-law! - Hi, Mama Dietl.
[04:30.35]It's like a fairy tale. The Weatherman and the Weatherman's Wife.
[04:35.56]Romantic.
[04:36.94]I know. Just think, this time tomorrow, I'm gonna be in Paris!
[04:42.03]And someday, we won't just be honeymooning there.
[04:44.57]Derek will become an anchor or a foreign correspondent.
[04:47.87]- And we'll travel all over the world. - Honey, my fingers are crossed.
[04:55.79]One thumb is shorter than the other. Runs in the family.
[04:58.50]Derek doesn't have that.
[05:00.13]It skips a generation. Your kids are gonna have it!
[05:13.06]Wow, you look beautiful.
[05:15.85]So do you. I mean, handsome.
[05:18.65]I mean... Sorry. I'm just a little frazzled.
[05:21.69]I just spent way too much time with our parents.
[05:24.07]Don't worry, OK? We'll be alone soon, just us.
[05:29.07]Eating cheese and baguettes by the Seine,
[05:31.53]feeding each other chocolate crepes.
[05:36.58]- Is something wrong? - No, no! It's just that, well...
[05:41.46]There's been a slight change of plans.
[05:44.59]We're not going to Paris.
[05:46.80]- What? Why not? - Because we're going somewhere better.
[05:51.47]- Better than Paris? - Oh, yeah.
[05:53.43]Where? Tahiti?!
[05:55.73]Nope! Fresno!
[05:58.23]Fresno!
[06:00.52]Fresno.
[06:02.77]In what universe is Fresno better than Paris, Derek?
[06:05.78]In the "I've got an audition to become
[06:08.95]Channel 23's new evening anchor" universe.
[06:13.20]Got the call from the general manager, he wants me to come in immediately!
[06:16.25]- Isn't that great? - Derek!
[06:20.29]That's...
[06:21.96]...amazing! It's amazing.
[06:25.76]Fresno's a top 50 market, isn't it?
[06:27.80]It's 55th, but we're on our way, babe!
[06:31.93]Now, look. About Paris...
[06:34.26]It's OK. It's fine! As long as we're together,
[06:37.98]Fresno is the most romantic city in the whole world.
[06:42.15]- I'm so proud of you. - Of us! Not just of me.
[06:46.78]I mean, of course, but we're a team now. You're so proud of us.
[06:52.41]Now, get out of here. It's bad luck to see me in my dress.
[06:55.41]Come on. You know I don't believe in that stuff.
[06:57.95]I'll be waiting for you
[06:59.07]at the altar... the handsome news anchor in the tux.
[07:03.13]Love you! There, I said it.
[07:06.42]I love you, too.
[07:40.54]Susan!
[07:44.13]Where could she be?
[07:45.96]Susan! Where are you?!
[07:56.47]Susan! Where have you been?!
[07:58.97]I think I just got hit by a meteorite.
[08:01.81]Oh, Susan. Every bride feels that way on her wedding day.
[08:06.65]My goodness, look at you. You're filthy. Thank God I have Wet Ones.
[08:49.65]You're glowing.
[08:53.36]Thank you.
[08:54.53]No. No, Susan, you're, like, really glowing. You're green!
[09:01.20]Oh, no!
[09:04.12]Derek!
[09:08.88]Oh, my gosh!
[09:11.05]What's going on?!
[09:12.30]- What's happening?! - You're all shrinking!
[09:15.30]Uh-uh! You're growing!
[09:17.55]- Well, make it stop! - Get me the government!
[09:22.43]This is impossible!
[09:25.39]No, this can't be happening.
[09:29.86]Wait, wait. Everybody, it's OK!
[09:31.65]Have some champagne while we're figuring this out!
[09:34.49]Thumbs! Thumbs!
[09:38.57]Derek! Help me!
[09:44.20]Sweet Lord!
[09:50.96]- Here comes the bride! - Oh, Carl! It's her wedding day!
[09:57.34]Derek? Derek?
[10:00.14]Beam hurt Derek.
[10:03.01]- Susan? - Thank goodness you're OK!
[10:06.60]What's happening to me?
[10:08.19]Don't panic! Don't worry! Whatever you do, don't drop...
[10:13.23]- Derek! - Sorry, sir.
[10:15.78]Who are you people? What are you doing?
[10:19.45]Stop it! Be careful!
[10:22.37]Get your hands off me! Don't you know who I am?!
[10:25.41]Please, just leave me alone!
[10:46.81]Move it, move it! Let's go! Move it, move it!
[10:53.19]Derek?
[10:56.73]All right, let's get this baby on the bus.
[11:06.37]Honey, could you hit the snooze?
[11:11.17]Baby, why did you set the alarm? We're on our honeymoon.
[11:21.97]Hello?
[11:24.26]What's going on?
[12:12.48]Hello?
[12:34.33]Silence, B.O.B.! She'll hear us!
[12:42.34]Hello?
[12:45.51]Is there someone there?
[12:48.22]Could you tell me where I am?
[13:05.86]Hello? What was that?
[13:16.87]Hello.
[13:20.88]Will you stop...?! Careful!
[13:23.38]Please, madam!
[13:25.38]Stop! Doing! That!
[13:31.35]Whatever mad scientist made you,
[13:34.68]he really went all out.
[13:38.73]You can talk.
[13:49.20]Hi, there!
[13:51.58]My back!
[13:53.74]Just kidding! I don't have a back!
[13:56.37]Forgive him, but as you can see, he has no brain.
[14:00.25]Turns out you don't need one. Totally overrated!
[14:02.92]As a matter of fact, I don't even...
[14:07.84]I forgot how to breathe! Don't know how to breathe!
[14:10.76]Help me, Dr. Cockroach! Help!
[14:12.85]Suck in, B.O.B.
[14:17.56]Thanks, Doc. You're a lifesaver.
[14:20.48]Wow, look at you. I know what you're thinking.
[14:23.52]First day in prison, you want to take down the toughest guy in the yard.
[14:27.24]Well, I'd like to see you try.
[14:40.92]- Gosh. Look, she's speechless. - She?
[14:44.63]Yes, B.O.B.! We are in the presence of the rare female monster.
[14:49.59]No way! It's a boy. Look at his boobies.
[14:53.44]We need to have a talk. Gentlemen,
[14:55.73]I'm afraid we are not making a very good first impression.
[14:59.85]At least I'm talking. First new monster in years, we couldn't get a wolf man
[15:02.15]or a mummy? Just, you know, somebody to play cards with.
[15:08.40]Might we ask your name, madam?
[15:11.99]Susan.
[15:13.16]No, no, no. We mean your monster name.
[15:15.62]Like, what do people scream when they see you coming?
[15:18.50]You know, like, "Look out! Here comes...!"
[15:22.54]Susan.
[15:24.50]Really?
[15:25.79]Susan!
[15:27.63]I just scared myself. That is scary.
[15:30.42]Yes! Eat times.
[15:38.06]That is repulsive!
[15:42.06]An old slipper!
[15:51.82]Oh, please, God, tell me this isn't real.
[15:54.03]Please tell me I had a nervous breakdown at the wedding, and now I'm
[15:57.20]in a mental hospital on medication that's giving me hallucinations.
[16:10.88]Don't scare Insectosaurus!
[16:12.68]He's gonna pee himself,
[16:13.56]then we'll all be in trouble.
[16:15.43]Every room has a door! There's gotta be a door here!
[16:18.56]It's OK, buddy. Don't worry about it.
[16:22.14]Who's a handsome bug, huh?
[16:23.56]You like it when I rub your tummy?
[16:27.61]Please! Somebody! I don't belong here!
[16:31.07]- Let me out! - Hey, that is not a good idea.
[16:34.07]Let me out!
[16:48.59]Monsters, get back in your cells.
[17:11.90]Oh, thank goodness. A real person. You are a real person, right?
[17:16.91]Not one of those half-person, half-machine,
[17:19.74]you know, whatever you call those things.
[17:22.41]- A cyborg? - Oh, no! You're a cyborg?!
[17:25.71]Madam, I assure you, I am not a cyborg. The name is General W.R. Monger.
[17:30.79]I'm in charge of this facility. Now,
[17:34.05]follow me. It is time for your orientation.
[17:46.48]In 1950,
[17:47.43]it was decided that Jane and Joe Public could not handle the truth
[17:50.40]about monsters, and should focus on more important things, like paying taxes.
[17:55.11]So the government convinced the world
[17:57.40]monsters were stuff of myth and legend and then locked them in this facility.
[18:05.33]But I'm not a monster! I'm just a regular person.
[18:09.21]I'm not a danger to anyone or anything.
[18:14.55]Don't let her get me!
[18:16.13]Sorry.
[18:25.22]- How long will I be here? - Indefinitely.
[18:27.52]- Can I contact my parents? - No.
[18:29.52]- Derek? - Negative.
[18:30.65]- Do they know where I am? - No, and they never will!
[18:34.02]This place is an X file,
[18:35.94]wrapped in a cover-up and deep-fried in a paranoid conspiracy.
[18:39.86]There will be zero contact with the outside world.
[19:08.68]...seven, eight...
[19:17.86]I can't believe I did ten sets.
[19:29.83]Susan!
[19:30.96]You wouldn't happen to have any uranium on you?
[19:33.71]I just need a smidge.
[19:35.17]Rescind Dr. Cockroach's toy box privileges immediately.
[19:39.26]We had the prison psychologist redecorate your cell.
[19:43.47]Try to keep you all calm-like.
[19:46.22]But I don't want a poster.
[19:48.43]I want a real kitten hanging from a real tree.
[19:53.23]I want to go home.
[19:55.06]Come on, little Debbie, please don't cry. It makes my knees hurt.
[19:58.48]Don't think of this as a prison.
[20:00.69]Think of it as a hotel you never leave
[20:03.26]because it's locked from the outside!
[20:08.79]Oh, and one other thing.
[20:10.95]The government has changed your name to Ginormica.
[21:04.09]Begin reanimation sequence.
[21:12.52]Who dares to wake me?
[21:16.23]Quantonium has been located on a distant planet
[21:20.15]in the Omega Quadrant.
[21:22.36]The Omega Quadrant? Lame.
[21:26.08]The trajectory of the Quantonium meteor has been traced to sector 72-4,
[21:33.66]the planet locally known as Earth.
[21:37.25]What a miserable-looking mud ball.
[21:41.30]Send a robot probe!
[21:44.72]Extract the Quantonium with extreme prejudice.
[21:50.72]I want it all.
[21:53.39]Every last drop!
[21:55.98]Yes, Gallaxhar.
[21:59.31]Nothing can stand in my way now.
[22:23.67]Don't rush me, Katie! I'm just not ready.
[22:27.01]Relax, Cuthbert. It's just like dancing. I'll lead.
[22:33.60]Katie, I have a gymnastics meet tomorrow. So maybe...
[22:38.44]Did you open the top?
[22:41.61]Thank goodness. It's the police.
[22:43.77]- We weren't doing anything, officer! - Yeah, nothing at all.
[22:53.62]Why did I even let you talk me into this?! Maybe we should get out of here.
[22:58.04]- Or, maybe, we should go check it out. - Katie, are you nuts?!
[23:02.46]Wait! Don't leave me alone!
[23:08.72]No! My ankle!
[23:10.88]I think it's broken!
[23:13.10]Katie?
[23:16.22]This is the worst date ever.
[23:28.49]Katie, I'm frightened.
[23:38.50]It was first spotted at midnight last night by a couple in romantic embrace.
[23:43.92]No one knows what it is or where it came from.
[23:47.50]All branches of the military were immediately mobilized.
[23:54.30]I have just received word that the president of the United States
[23:58.35]has arrived and will attempt to make first contact.
[24:02.69]I must approach it alone.
[24:04.65]This is all about peaceful communication.
[24:08.69]Yes, sir, Mr. President.
[24:43.06]Perimeter stable.
[24:44.12]Got a bead on Papa Bear. All clear.
[27:13.54]Commander, do something violent!
[27:16.25]You heard the president! Light 'em up!
[27:26.39]We're getting pummeled here! Call in air support! Call in air support!
[27:52.25]Call in... Call in a full retreat!
[27:55.25]Full retreat! Full retreat, all troops!
[27:59.51]- Wheels up. Papa Bear is on the move. - Wait.
[28:02.72]So that's how you want to play it? Eat lead, alien robot!
[28:08.68]- Evidently, they eat lead. - Get him on the chopper.
[28:11.85]I'm brave! I'm a brave president!
[28:41.76]- I say we invade it!
[28:42.91]- The Earth only has two weeks left!
[28:44.88]If that thing walks into a populated area there'll be a major catastrophe!
[28:48.93]We need our top scientific minds on this. Get India on the phone!
[28:51.89]Can we transport the United States to a safer planet?
[28:54.02]Give this alien a green card and make him proud to be an American.
[28:57.40]It's at dire times like this
[28:59.58]when I stop and ask myself, "What would Oprah do?"
[29:02.40]Hang it all! What's the point? It's a disaster.
[29:07.66]- Stop! No! - Don't do it!
[29:10.12]That button launches our nuclear missiles!
[29:12.12]Well, which button gets me a latte?
[29:15.00]That would be the other one, sir.
[29:20.80]- What idiot designed this thing? - You did, sir.
[29:25.09]- Fair enough. Wilson, fire somebody! - Yes, sir, Mr. President.
[29:28.60]Listen up. I'm not going to go down in history
[29:31.30]as the president who was in office
[29:33.81]when the world came to an end,
[29:35.39]so somebody think of something, and think of it fast!
[29:40.19]- That is a good cup of joe. - Mr. President?
[29:45.65]Not only do I have an idea, but I have a plan!
[29:54.29]Now, conventional weapons have no effect on this thing,
[29:57.08]- and we know nukes ain't an option. - Sure they are. I just...
[30:02.00]- Don't do it! Stop! - Wait!
[30:04.21]I'm not gonna kid you, Mr. President. These are dark times.
[30:08.22]The odds are against us.
[30:10.15]We need a Hail Mary pass. We need raw power! We need...
[30:14.22]...monsters.
[30:17.89]Monsters! Of course! It's so simple!
[30:22.82]I... I'm not following you.
[30:25.24]Over the last 50 years, I have captured monsters on the rampage,
[30:29.53]and locked them up in a secret prison facility.
[30:32.45]So secret that the mere mention of its name is a federal offense.
[30:37.91]Is he referring to Area Fifty...
[30:42.42]Mr. President, say hello to Insectosaurus!
[30:48.59]Miss Ronson, please.
[30:50.93]Nuclear radiation turned him from a small grub
[30:54.10]into a 350-foot-tall monster that attacked Tokyo.
[30:59.60]Here we have the Missing Link.
[31:05.07]A 20,000-year-old frozen fish man who was thawed out by scientists.
[31:10.20]He escaped and went on a rampage in his old watering hole.
[31:15.58]This handsome fellow is Dr. Cockroach, Ph.D.,
[31:18.37]the most brilliant man in the world.
[31:21.29]He invented a scientific machine
[31:24.96]that would give humans the cockroach's ability to survive.
[31:29.80]Unfortunately, there was a side effect.
[31:34.72]Now, we call this thing B.O.B.
[31:38.31]Will someone get her out of here?!
[31:42.90]Thank you.
[31:44.98]A genetically altered tomato was combined with a chemically altered
[31:48.48]ranch-flavored dessert topping at a snack food plant.
[31:52.16]The resulting goop gained consciousness,
[31:54.74]and became an indestructible gelatinous mass.
[31:59.16]And, our latest addition, Ginormica.
[32:07.34]General, continue.
[32:09.67]Her entire body radiates with pure energy,
[32:12.80]giving her enormous strength and size.
[32:16.30]Sir, these monsters are our best and only chance
[32:18.87]to defeat that robot.
[32:20.85]Don't we already have an alien problem, General?
[32:23.52]I don't think we need a monster problem, too.
[32:26.69]You got a better idea, nerd?
[32:32.86]OK. Stay where you are.
[32:35.70]General, I propose we go forward
[32:38.12]with your monsters-versus-aliens idea... thingy.
[32:42.25]Go fish.
[32:57.18]...threes?
[32:58.55]Yes. I do! How are you doing this?
[33:01.68]- You're the luckiest guy I know.
[33:03.76]- Luck ain't got nothin' to do with it.
[33:07.23]What the...? Hey!
[33:11.73]They called me crazy, but I'll show them. I'll show them all!
[33:18.87]Doctor, I'd prefer you didn't do your mad scientist laugh
[33:22.83]while I'm hooked up to this machine.
[33:27.42]You're right, Insecto.
[33:29.09]You've let that quack experiment on you for over a month.
[33:32.55]I'm not a quack! I'm a mad scientist! There is a difference.
[33:36.80]Guys, what choice do I have?
[33:39.27]If he can make me normal, or even six foot eight,
[33:42.10]I can get out of here, get back to the life
[33:44.05]I'm supposed to have.
[33:45.44]- I should be in... - Let me guess, Fresno?
[33:47.81]Well, Fresno is just a stepping stone. Next stop, Milwaukee.
[33:51.94]- Then New York, then hopefully...
[33:53.60]- Yeah, we know. Paris.
[33:55.95]Throw the switch, Doctor, but don't do the laugh.
[33:59.07]Now you're going to feel a slight pinch in the brain.
[34:03.12]Sorry.
[34:15.30]Susan!
[34:18.22]Am I small again?
[34:20.64]I'm afraid not, my dear.
[34:26.52]In fact, you may actually have grown a couple of feet.
[34:33.65]That's OK, Doc. We'll try again tomorrow.
[34:36.99]You really don't get it, do you? No monster has ever gotten out of here!
[34:41.99]That's not true! The Invisible Man did.
[34:44.83]No, he didn't. We just told you
[34:46.21]that so you wouldn't get upset.
[34:48.54]He died of a heart attack 25 years ago.
[34:51.63]No!
[34:53.17]Yeah... in that very chair.
[34:57.09]He's still there.
[35:01.01]You see what I'm saying? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's ever getting out.
[35:05.35]Good news, monsters! You're getting out!
[35:08.77]Until today.
[35:14.90]So let me get this straight, Monger.
[35:17.19]You want us to fight an alien robot.
[35:19.90]And, in exchange, the president of these United States
[35:23.24]authorized me to grant you your freedom.
[35:26.13]I can't believe it!
[35:28.38]Soon, I'll be back in Derek's arms... ...or he'll be in mine.
[35:32.33]I can't wait for spring break back at Cocoa Beach, just
[35:35.71]freaking everybody out.
[35:37.55]And I'll go back to my lab and finally finish my experiments.
[35:41.51]No! That's me, B.O.B.
[35:43.59]- Then I'll be a really giant lady.
[35:46.29]- That's Susan, B.O.B.
[35:47.97]Fine. Then I'll go back to Modesto and be with Derek.
[35:52.23]That's still Susan, B.O.B.
[35:53.90]I think I, at least, deserve a chance to be with Derek!
[35:57.02]All right, let's go!
[36:21.26]Everybody move in an orderly fashion! This is an emergency!
[36:25.09]We are evacuating the city!
[36:27.10]Exact change is appreciated, but not necessary!
[36:59.38]Let's move out!
[37:07.97]This is San Francisco! This isn't far from my home!
[37:11.64]Feel the wind on your antennae. Isn this wonderful?
[37:15.02]I haven't been outside in 50 years. It's amazing out here!
[37:18.98]It's hotter than I remember. Has the Earth gotten warmer?
[37:22.07]That'd be great to know. That would be a very convenient truth.
[37:31.41]- Now that's a robot! - It's huge.
[37:34.37]Try not to damage it too much.
[37:36.50]I might want to bring it back to the farm!
[37:38.75]No, no, no, wait! You didn't say anything about it being huge!
[37:42.00]Wait! No! Don't leave!
[37:48.18]I think he sees us.
[37:50.05]Hello! Hi! How you doing?
[37:53.52]Welcome! We are here to destroy you!
[37:56.94]I can't fight that thing. I can't even... I've never...
[38:00.86]I'm hyperventilating. Does anybody have a giant paper bag?
[38:04.61]Relax.
[38:06.70]Old Link's got this under control.
[38:08.86]Hide in the city, Susan. You'll be safe there.
[38:11.45]But stay away from the Tenderloin! It's a little dicey!
[38:14.62]Finally, some action. I'm gonna turn that oversized tin can
[38:18.04]into a really dented oversized tin can.
[38:26.72]OK! Does anybody have a 20 on Insectosaurus?
[38:30.76]Wow! Would you look at the size of that...
[38:37.23]I got him, you guys! I got...
[38:40.23]Don't worry, I won't let go! I'm wearing him down!
[38:44.03]Please tell me he's slowing down!
[38:45.86]Get to the city, Link. I'll catch up with you as soon as I can.
[38:52.03]Or maybe you'll have to catch up with me.
[40:21.29]Oh, no! No, no, no!
[40:51.19]OK, OK. I got this.
[41:07.46]Yep, that hurt.
[41:12.09]Get in! I have a plan!
[41:26.48]Hot dogs!
[41:35.15]All right, Link, I'm going to pull up alongside it!
[41:38.65]You get up in there, get to its central processing unit, and...
[41:42.24]- Hey, guys, catch me! - No!
[41:51.38]Let's go, let's go! Keep it moving!
[41:54.22]Hey! No honking!
[42:01.76]Excuse me! Coming through! On your right! No control!
[42:36.13]OK! It's going to be OK! Look, I'm gonna get you out of there!
[42:39.59]Hold on a second! We have to get off the bridge before...
[43:09.04]No, no, no! Get away from me!
[43:29.89]Coming through! Watch it!
[43:37.32]Hey, furball, where you been?
[43:42.53]Yeah, I know. Papa's a little out of shape.
[43:45.37]Excuse me! He's trying to kill me!
[43:46.78]Why is it doing that? Why would it...
[44:18.40]- Wow. You're doing great! - I'm doing everything!
[44:22.66]Not for long. Come on, you guys. Let's take this thing down!
[44:28.45]A deflector shield. Typical.
[44:39.71]You can't crush a cockroach!
[45:00.36]Insectosaurus!
[45:02.44]Insectosaurus!
[45:04.07]- B.O.B.! - What?
[45:05.78]- Help me! - Sorry.
[45:07.41]- I was staring at this bird over there.
[45:09.62]- Get these people off the bridge!
[45:11.54]Got it.
[45:14.54]No, B.O.B.! Move the dividers!
[45:18.63]Oh, yeah, you're right. My bad.
[45:26.14]Go, go, go, go!
[45:40.65]Link!
[45:43.15]Oh, I don't feel good.
[45:46.91]OK. Susan, you can do this.
[46:37.00]All right. Let's take this thing down.
[46:50.22]Retrieval has failed.
[46:52.51]Don't get upset. It happens to everyone.
[46:56.89]That lower life form thinks she can steal my Quantonium?!
[47:03.15]Send another probe at once!
[47:05.73]Quantonium cannot be retrieved via robot.
[47:08.90]Carbon-based life form, locally known as Susan, is now too strong.
[47:14.08]Oh, you think because you're all big and strong
[47:18.91]and you can destroy my robot probe
[47:22.08]that you're gonna send me running and hiding?!
[47:25.75]My days of running and hiding are over!
[47:29.64]Computer, set a course to Earth. I will retrieve the Quantonium myself,
[47:36.64]even if I need to rip it out of her body one cell at a time!
[47:47.28]Careful, it's hot.
[47:53.57]Three weeks ago, if you had asked me to defeat a giant alien robot,
[47:57.08]I'd have said, "No can do."
[47:59.32]But I did it! Me! I'm still buzzing. Did you see how strong I was?!
[48:03.61]Probably isn't a jar in this world I can't open.
[48:06.00]You were positively heroic, my dear.
[48:09.38]I especially loved how you saved those people on the bridge.
[48:12.34]It was a nice touch. Wasn't she amazing, Link?
[48:15.39]Yeah, she was great. Really cool. Loved it.
[48:19.11]Oh, poor Link. After all that tough talk, you were out-monstered by a girl.
[48:26.02]- No wonder you're depressed. - Hey, I'm not depressed. I'm tired.
[48:30.32]Why are you tired? You didn't do anything.
[48:32.57]Well, I haven't been sleeping well.
[48:35.03]I got sleep apnes... apnea. Whatever. It's not fun.
[48:39.37]So Link's a little rusty... I mean, sleep deprived.
[48:43.46]You'll be back to your old self in no time. And so will I.
[48:47.50]What happened to the "there isn't a jar in the world I can't open" stuff?
[48:51.63]Wait. Did you find a jar you couldn't open? Were pickles in it?
[48:55.18]- Where's the giant jar of pickles?! - What my associate is trying to say
[48:59.31]is that we all think the new
[49:01.26]Susan is the "cat's me-wow."
[49:06.27]I'm sorry.
[49:08.15]Thanks, you guys. That is so sweet,
[49:11.94]but I have a normal life waiting for me. You know?
[49:16.11]So, tell me,
[49:17.25]exactly, how this normal life thing works with you being giant.
[49:20.95]I'm not gonna be a giant forever.
[49:22.83]Derek won't rest until we've found a cure for my...
[49:27.17]...condition. We're a team.
[49:29.63]We could all do with a Derek. Perhaps, someday, we could make his acquaintance!
[49:35.01]Really? You guys want to meet Derek?
[49:46.40]First stop, Modesto!
[49:48.40]Ginormica, I called your family to let them know you were coming home.
[49:52.15]Now, I also called the Modesto PD and told them not to shoot at you.
[49:56.99]Thanks, General.
[50:10.71]OK, remember, these people aren't used to seeing... ...anything like...
[50:16.34]...you, or you... ...or you.
[50:20.35]So just be, you know, cool. Just be... you know... Follow my lead.
[50:31.73]Stop! That was an accident! Don't destroy anything!
[50:39.11]Susan?
[50:40.66]- Susie Q! - Mom? Daddy?
[50:46.12]- Did they experiment on you? - No, Mom. I'm fine.
[50:55.76]It's OK. They're with me.
[50:58.30]These are my new friends.
[51:00.09]Oh, Derek! I missed you so much,
[51:02.97]thinking that we'd someday be together again!
[51:05.93]It's the only thing that got me through prison! I love you! I love this man!
[51:09.81]No, B.O.B.! That's my mother! You're suffocating her!
[51:15.11]Honey, are you all right?
[51:16.94]- I taste ham.
[51:18.35]- Sorry, Mom. He's just a hugger.
[51:22.91]Where's Derek?
[51:24.79]He's at work, sweetie.
[51:26.83]You know how he is about his career.
[51:30.17]- We're not gonna celebrate without him!
[51:32.50]- Susan! What do I do with all your little friends?
[51:36.34]Just put out some snacks! They'll eat anything!
[51:42.34]Ambrosia!
[51:47.39]How's it going?
[51:48.98]Qu pasa, girlfriend?
[51:51.52]Way to cut up a rug, Insecto!
[51:57.03]Who wants to go for a swim with the Link?
[52:05.37]Hi. I'm Benzoate-Ostylezene-Bicarbonate.
[52:08.87]Or you can call me "B.O.B.", whichever's easier.
[52:12.83]Did I come on too strong? I'm sorry.
[52:15.59]I'm a little rusty. I've been in prison my whole life.
[52:19.46]Why'd I mention prison?
[52:21.88]I didn't mean to scare you. I'm just going to go.
[52:25.26]I feel so stupid.
[52:27.93]All right, everyone, just stay calm. Whatever you do, do not provoke them.
[52:32.19]Anyone care for an Atomic Gin Fizz? It's got quite a...
[52:38.36]...kick.
[52:40.40]Chlorine! Chlorine in my eyes!
[52:43.87]- They're turning on us! - Everyone run for your lives!
[52:54.08]What are they running away from?
[52:59.59]That's hilarious, Jim.
[53:04.00]That's exactly the kind of down-home country humor
[53:04.87]I'm gonna miss when I'm in Fresno.
[53:06.60]This is Derek Dietl, signing off for the very last time.
[53:11.14]- Good night, Modesto! - Channel 172.
[53:16.15]And cut.
[53:20.78]Did you like that sign off? Just made it up.
[53:30.16]Oh, my goodness.
[53:32.58]Wait, wait, wait! But, but...!
[53:38.21]Oh, Derek. You wouldn't believe my last three weeks!
[53:46.18]Thinking about you was the only thing that kept me sane.
[53:49.93]- Can't breathe! Ribs collapsing!
[53:52.42]- Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry!
[53:55.31]Oh, my goodness. Is that better?
[53:58.52]OK. OK.
[54:01.78]I'm still kind of getting used to my new strength.
[54:04.49]Wow! You really are big!
[54:07.32]Yeah,
[54:08.15]but I'm still me. I'm still the same girl you fell in love with.
[54:12.41]Except you did just destroy the Golden Gate Bridge.
[54:15.91]But that was the only way I could stop that giant robot!
[54:19.88]You ever think I could do something like that?
[54:21.88]No, I didn't. I can honestly say it never, ever, ever, ever,
[54:26.30]ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever occurred to me.
[54:30.85]Look, I know this is a little weird.
[54:34.31]OK, it's a lot weird, but we'll figure it out.
[54:38.69]I know that, together, we can find a way to get me back to normal.
[54:42.48]Susan, try and look at this from my perspective.
[54:46.32]I have an audience that depends on me for news,
[54:49.03]weather, sports and heart-warming fluff pieces.
[54:53.03]You expect me to put all that on hold
[54:54.95]while you try to undo this thing that happened to you?
[54:57.79]That I had absolutely nothing to do with?
[55:00.21]Yes. That's exactly what I expect.
[55:04.42]What about the life we always talked about? Don't you still want that?
[55:

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